The day has come, and you’ve dropped off your first, second, or third child to begin their next step in life: college! Of course, part of you is excited for what’s to come — learning new skills, making new friends, and figuring out how to do everyday tasks on their own. But another part of you is mourning the loss of the parent role you played, the responsibilities you held, and, if you’re being honest with yourself, the control you felt you had over their decisions.
This is completely normal for a parent beginning the process of watching their children grow up. As a family therapist who works with young adolescents, there are a few things I can share with you.
One, allow your children to explore their new life.
Despite your fears of them making mistakes or not getting things perfect, they need the space to understand what responsibility means to them, what healthy friendships look like, and what career path feels right for them — or at least right for now.
Second, support may look different now.
It might shift from you picking things out for them to help them decide what feels right for them. This builds self-confidence in their decision-making process, which is true success when it comes to independence.
What does this look like in real life:
Instead of saying:
“This is what you’re going to do.”
Try saying:
“What options or resources do you have right now?”
I get it — it’s tempting to want things done your way. And trust me, your guidance is still very important. What’s also important is their ability to explore their own needs and wants as they move forward into adulthood.
Third, allow your children to become who they feel is authentic in the world.
As parents, allowing your children to discover and express their authentic selves is one of the most powerful forms of support you can offer. When young adults feel accepted for who they truly are, they develop stronger confidence, emotional health, and a secure sense of identity. Supporting their individuality does not mean losing your influence strengthens your relationship through trust and openness. By embracing their growth, you help them step into the world with resilience, self-awareness, and a lasting connection to you.
Fourth, allow yourself, as a parent, to discover new parts of who you are during this transition.
Moving from full-time parenting to a different role can bring feelings of loss, uncertainty, and growth, all of which are natural. This shift creates space to reconnect with your own needs, interests, and identity beyond parenting. Embracing this change can help you model healthy growth while maintaining a meaningful connection with your child.
Need support in this transition? Reach out with questions, I’m here to help!