We all have deep places to go, it’s about accessing them and allowing space for them to be present. As humans, we need to become present with our emotional experience, give space to this, and be able to communicate this. This builds healthier relationships and stronger bonds and connections.
It was a moment I had while sitting down with someone I was dating, I was trying to express to him how I was “truly feeling”, this was his shining moment, he could either step up and take it and get to a new place with me or just completely stomp on it and destroy any growth. Which one did he choose, ” Stomped all over that shit.” This is the moment I knew. Not only did that person not have the capability to access his own stuff, but I also wasn’t in the proper place to go to these places with him. This gets me to my next point… I can’t imagine others who are finding themselves in this “stuck” place.
How scary it must feel to think your partner is getting distant from you. How hurt you must feel that you don’t feel heard? How anxious you feel that your partner may never change! These are common places couples go and can’t find their way out.
What do you and your partner do when you find yourself stuck?
Take a second and imagine this; while you’re trying to access this place, you are also intaking rejection, fear, confusion, and old wounds. OUCH! At the same time, while you’re accessing this place, the other person is going to the same place. (Whoa, this seems like a recipe for disaster). A professional couples counselor will become a buffer and provide safety to go here without things getting too “messy.” and getting into your “typical fight”. If you find yourself stuck with your current partner, it’s not about the problem itself but what are you emotionally accessing in these moments. What you are accessing, might also be what is causing you two to stay “stuck” with one another. Remember, “It’s never really about the dishes.” Never underestimate the power of couples therapy. It could be the piece that gets you and your partner moving and growing once again.